Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
