Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
