I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize