my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
