I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
