im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I party with great urgency now.
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