how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
