So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
