the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
