i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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