God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
