i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
