How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
