Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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