so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
birth control should be required to get into college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
