They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
