It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
