Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He shit in the fireplace
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
