return my video game
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
