Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
