Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
