I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you never un-have a 4some
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
