so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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