So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
