I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
