u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
