Yo dont text me then not text me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
