please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
