Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
