I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
