I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
