it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
