ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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