If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
