everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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