Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
