Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
