Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am one with the molecules
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
