I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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