he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
