if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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