I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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