Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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