They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
