I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
