It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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