to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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