After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
