If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
