As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
