My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
