Duck Duck Cougar?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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