Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
