Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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