I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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