Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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