cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
