You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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