apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
