exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
