i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
