So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
