Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
