I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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