My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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