why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
