the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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