We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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