There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
