you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
