I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
