Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
