i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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