Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
