Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
