I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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