I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize