Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
